And I'm back!

I've been a very bad blogger lately. I don't really have a good explanation other than, I've been busy. The problem with me is that I let life and people get in the way of my routine. For a while I was talking to an exboyfriend who took up a lot of my free time. I thought we were on a good path and so I allowed him to take up some of my time, however, recently he disappeared. This isn't me trying to call him out on my blog but I need to remind myself that I always need to put my needs before others. 

Just tonight I read this quote in "Practical Paleo": 

"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again while expecting different results each time." 

It really hit home for me because I've gone through this cycle with this exboyfriend before. I've set my needs aside before and I was always walked over or forgotten. This isn't to say he's a bad person, but the situation definitely wasn't good for my mental health. 

During the past month, a lot has changed. I joined Crossfit Chula Vista and took the "on-ramp" course which is basically an intro to Crossfit. I enjoyed every minute of it except for when I couldn't breath. I also changed my life-style in the sense that I no longer a vegetarian. My first class for Crossfit was basically an attack on my diet situation. Not a bad attack but an attack none-the-less. I decided to challenge myself. I never stopped eating meat to make a political statement, I stopped because I needed a life-style change. Three years later and I still felt like something was missing so I decided to use the information I learned and begin my "paleo" journey. Has it been easy? Well, yes and no. The first week I was a little nauseous from the meat but eventually my body stabilized and I feel great. I sleep better at night, I have more energy during my workouts, and I'm slowly learning to control my eating habits. No processed foods, no grains, no legumes, no sugar - What do I eat?! Everything else! 

Here are some pictures from September.... 

Feeling pretty at work

Learning to embrace my body for what it is

Destroying my legs with box jumps - seriously my nightmare. Everyone said, "Jump higher!" and I said that my body just wasn't ready to do that. I was right but I'll get better. 

Working hard or hardly working? Ehh... 

It's easy being paleo! I'm really excited about this haul. 

To end this post, I'd like to share that I reached an amazing milestone....

You read that right - 199.0!

Right now, my weight is currently fluctuating but I was excited to see me break the 200's. I just want to say good-bye to them once and for all! 

This has been a long, difficult month for me but I'm hoping October and the rest of the year get easier. I also hope to continue sharing my journey with everyone. Anyone out there?

I'll be here!

Sunday Weigh-In 013

204.4 :)

This week I've been doing a lot of thinking about my methods and the way I keep track of my weight. I wouldn't say it's an obsession (yet) but every morning (this past week) I've weighed myself and tracked it on My Fitness Pal. Every day was a different weight and every day I struggled to comprehend the difference whether it was a loss or a gain. It made me realize that I want to switch to a monthly weigh-in instead of a weekly one. At least in the sense of documenting because I feel a weekly weigh-in makes my weigh-ins seem less important. 

Throughout the month I want to focus on health and wellness and beauty (which can include fashion and the like). I want to focus on things that make me happy and keep me motivated. While seeing the difference on the scale is encouraging, I feel it hinders readers from truly understanding who I am. I'm not just a weight-loss blog tracking "health" by the scale. I feel the scale is an important tool to help keep things in perspective for me but I don't believe it should be the end all, be all to my weight or health journey.

I hope with this change that you, dear reader, will learn more about me. I am open to answering any questions you may have and I hope that this change will help my readers relate to me more. 

I hope you all had a wonderful week. 

Until next time, keep smiling!

I'm Learning to Change Perspectives

This isn't a blog about love or finding love. It's about finding myself. So please excuse this self-indulgent but necessary post. 

In the search for "myself," I'm realizing that love plays a major role in how someone is shaped. Love tends to dictate the definition of self. Whether it's the love you feel for someone else or for yourself, the love you have in your life tends to become intertwined into the inner workings of your mind and view of the world. On this journey to health, I've encountered roadblocks. Mostly of my own doing due to the fact that I loved until the bitter end. I loved everyone in my life with everything I had. It was a blessing and a curse but nothing I would have traded-in for a a better sense of self. You see, love has shaped me into the person I am. My parents loved me as best as they could. They gave me what they thought I needed - comfort in ways they could not comfort me. Convenience for the sake of making everyone's lives easier.  They taught me (wrongly I may add) about food. They also taught me wrongly about love. Love requires two people to occupy the same space without suffocating one another. It requires patience and understanding which my parents lacked in their own romance. I was unable to occupy a space with someone without being overbearing or overly distant. I could not find balance in love. I accepted lost souls into my life because I, too, was lost. I accepted people who need my hand but I always forgot to ask for theirs. They took my shoulder only when they needed it and I was always left with my pillow. Men tend to take a lot from me and in this journey, I am learning to give them what I can without being left with nothing. 

I love with every fiber of my soul, from my toes to the very tip of my head, my body spills love. It has always overflowed with love for others but never for myself. In the process of giving without keeping track, I left nothing for myself. At one point, I had nothing left to give and there I was, staring at a scale that wouldn't change. I saw myself in the mirror and I couldn't love what I saw. I graciously borrowed the temporary love of a stranger touching my lips with theirs or my stomach with their hands. In that moment, I felt accepted by someone and that someone didn't have to be myself. Someone else, a man, approved and that was the love I accepted. 

Now, I'm learning to keep some love for myself. I'm learning to love the way my body is changing (slowly but surely). I'm learning to love the way I committed myself to the gym instead of a guy. I love that I'm learning to accept myself for all that I am and maybe all I will never be. I am learning to love myself because I am learning to change my perspective. It's a very slow movement toward the concept of loving myself before I can love anyone else. I am okay knowing that some men in this world still have pieces of me that I cannot have back. But, I say, they can keep those old pieces... the new Kristen is better. She's stronger, she's more mindful, and most importantly, she puts herself first. Her mind, body, and soul is her first priority. 

And with that, it's okay to be selfish and it's okay to keep my love to myself. 

Until next time, keep changing your perspective. It can make you smile more. 

"Take a Hike" Saturday: Kwaay Paay Summit (Mission Hills Trails)

Last Saturday, I went to Mission Hills with Jessica and Maricela. I was really excited to get out of the house and explore. This time I decided not to bring Junior (my dog) because I didn't want to deal with ticks. However, Jessica brought Stella and she was a great motivator. Every time someone fell behind she would stop and wait. It was really funny. We first attacked the first hill I ever hiked at Mission Trails. We got up in no time and I was in shock. I was telling Jessica how the last time we went up that hill I felt like it took forever. I also wasn't as exhausted as the first time I got up that hill. 

After the hill we took a side trail that didn't really lead anywhere so we turned around and decided to go up to Kwaay Paay Summit. That was an intense hike. We kept comparing it to Cowles Mountain. The hills were very steep and took a lot of work to get up. We were hoping the trail would go up and then down toward the Visitor's Center but on the way up, we spoke to some fellow hikers who said the summit was the end and that we would have to go back down. Although it wasn't what we had hoped, we were ready to get to the top. Once up there, I was excited - dripping sweat and covered in dirt! I stood around at the top for as long as possible because I had to mentally prepare to go back down. The hike down was rough but it was very rewarding because it reminded me of how much my fitness levels have changed. Two hours later - it was time to head home for some SUSHI! 

Stella getting pumped for the hike!

The infamous hill! This was the first hill I hiked at Mission Trails. 

This sign is very confusing. Where exactly am I going?

Jessica is always head of us! Maricela and I gotta keep up!

A cute little bridge off our path.

Up, up and away we go!

New trail for us.

Steep, steep hills.

Looking out at Mission Trails and the 52.

Near the top! You're** I wanted to edit this so badly!

We heard that on a clear day the view is spectacular.

I'm on top of the world, hey! (Imagine Dragons got me up to this point)

Jessica lookin' cute and not a sweaty mess at all!

A little creature that Maricela spotted. I tried to get closer but it ran away.

845 calories - gone! Woo!

I'm really loving my Saturday hikes. I can't wait until I get to go on harder trails. I look forward to the challenges! 

Until next time, keep smiling! 

Sunday Weigh-in 008

It is officially week 8! I am well on my way to getting past the 210's. This week was a little rough because on Tuesday right before training I fell asleep in my car. I felt like I was hit by a truck of exhaustion. I don't know if I was exhausted from work or from the emotional turmoil I've been going through lately... all I knew was that I was tired. I dragged myself into the gym and trained for my hour. I burned a good amount of calories and I felt great. When I got home, I went to sleep early and woke up the next morning feeling a tad congested. Wednesday was hot! I had to go explore Belmont Park and the San Diego Zoo for work and when I returned to the office at noon, I wanted to pass out. I felt sick - I was congested, my eyes burned, my head hurt. It was horrible. I went home from work sick and slept all afternoon and well into the evening. Thursday I went to work but dragged again. I went home before training so I could make dinner. Friday and Saturday were about recovery for me. I wanted to work out - believe me, I did - but I was exhausted. I could barely keep my eyes open and my whole body hurt. I felt terrible as I sat on the couch and watched tv. I managed to stay well under my calorie count despite being sick. I'm hoping this week goes by better since I'm feeling better right now. I'm still a tad congested but overall, I'm feeling good. 

Here's my weigh-in for today (I'm changing my weigh-ins to Sunday since my menu planning starts on Sunday now): 

211.2! I'm ALMOST THERE! This week means EVERYTHING to me!

Over the week, I kept track of what I ate and I made changes to anything I chose not to eat or had to change. I really loved making the menu and having it on my fridge every morning. I didn't have to guess what to eat and I felt more in control of my food intake. 

I'm a bit frustrated that I got sick this week. I do my best to be healthy, I upped my intake of water, I ate more fruits and vegetables. It's frustrating to deal with being sick on top of trying to maintain my healthy lifestyle. 

Any tips for avoiding sickness? Or at least making it last a shorter amount of time? 

Until next time, keep smiling! 

"Take a Hike" Saturday: Scripps Coastal Reserve/Beach

The girls and I headed out for our Saturday hike and originally, we were suppose to go to Torrey Pines. I was slightly disappointed when I pulled up to the window and was asked for $15. I refused to pay the prices so we drove around to see if we could find some free parking. No luck! I quickly pulled out my phone and found another trail near by. Scripps Coastal Reserve here we come! While the view was very pretty I wasn't very happy with this trail, as it was literally a circle... a short 20 minute walk. The fog was rolling in making it a bit eerie but that's about it. I guess I should have stopped to read all the ecological signs but I wanted to get my heart rate up. It just wasn't happening with this trail... 

Hello little bunny!

We were on our way out when I decided to walk further down the street to look at houses (one of Jessica's favorite things to do!) That's when we stumbled upon an entrance to the beach. It was a downhill walk on a winding road with beautiful scenery. Jessica mentioned that it looked like Hawaii and I agreed. The whole way down I was looking forward to walking back up the hill because I knew it was going to be killer!

Made it down the hill!

This was a private residence. I thought it was a cool backdrop because it looks so sci-fi! How appropriate with Comic Con in town!

Jessica leading the way up the hill! She was tough to keep up with.

There she goes!

A cool view of the winding road.

This was a pretty decent hike because we were rewarded with a nice stroll on the beach. The hill was tough and got my heart rate up. I love when my heart is pounding and I'm dripping sweat. It feels like a mini-victory every time. 

Until next time, keep smiling.

10 Strategies for Promoting Healthy Permanent Weight Loss

3. Learn how to control emotional eating

I want to address emotional eating because it's a huge part of my weight loss journey. Recently, my boyfriend and I called it quits. It's been a rough couple of weeks and that was the reason for my hiatus. I needed some time to put together my thoughts and to figure out if I should openly discuss the break-up on my blog. After much thinking, I came to the realization that my relationships with people are an important part of my weight loss. My emotions take over my conscience and my food intake changes. I've noticed that any time I had an argument or I felt rejected, I would turn to food and it didn't matter what or how much I ate. I was lost in the emotions and I felt better... temporarily. I drank a little more and I ate some things that I wouldn't eat on a typical day. 

With my break-up this week I had to find other outlets for my anger and hurt. I decided to not turn to food for the first time and I don't feel as though I'm missing anything. I feel comforted by the fact that I didn't let food take over. Although this is just the first couple of days, I am proud of myself. Unfortunately, my body gave into the stress and finally broke down and now I'm sick. This has been the only downfall this week (so far). One of the things that I helped me get through this emotional time is music. Especially this song by Katy Perry.

It was important for me to find comfort in something other than food. This song truly expresses how I feel and I connected with it. I found power in a song that talks about moving forward and living for yourself. That's how I have to control emotional eating. I need to remember that although all these bad things are happening around me, it's still my responsibility to take care of myself... no matter what. I have to remember, every single day, that I, Kristen, am strong. 

How are you controlling your emotional eating?

Until next time, stay strong and keep smiling.

Surviving Birthday Parties and Girl's Nights Out

A few Saturdays ago was my friend, Yajaira's, birthday. I didn't plan very well and ended up munching on a small meal before heading to her party. It was almost torture to sit there and stare at her dessert table. I didn't want to eat sweets because I was hungry and I knew if I started chowing on them I wouldn't be able to stop. That's the problem with me, I just can't stop sometimes. I love sweets and eating less of them has definitely taught me some self discipline. And of course, eating less sweets has made me feel better. I'm still trying to practice moderation but man, do I have a sweet tooth!! 

Me in my 1920's gear! I had to dig through my closet for all these pieces!

With my friend, Victoria. She's an amazing lady.

Always loved this picture.

The dessert table!

Happy 29th Yajaira! She's a great party planner - I told her to start a business so I can work with her, hehe!

This is the dessert that I did indulge in...

Victoria and I goofing around with the display pieces

Finally having a good conversation on the phone! Ha!

After Yajaia's birthday, I promised some friends I would meet them for drinks at Hamilton's. Hamilton's is my favorite bar because it's laid back and people tend to leave you alone. We sat at this table all night and chatted and laughed. It was great to be around such positive energy. I did get a bit carried away. Alcohol is one of the things I've been trying to have less of and for the most part, I don't drink as often as I did. My trainer and I had a conversation about beer one day and I told him that with my lifestyle, I refuse to give up beer. He accepted it but as time went on, I found myself wanting it less and less. An occasional beer won't throw me off, in my personal opinion. On to the fun!

With my girlfriends enjoying some delicious beer.

I think Joanna is enjoying this a little too much!

There ya go Jessica! Finish that beer!

Ending the night with amazing girls and lots of laughs. It's so important for me to find this peace through all the ups and downs in my life. 

How do I survive these type of nights, you ask? Well, I don't have them very often. I'm not a huge drinker and if I do go out to meet friends I usually stick to one beer (because I'm driving). I'm also very honest with myself. For example, the sweets at Yajaira's party, I could have gone to town on them but I knew I was going to make myself feel bad about them later. I don't need to eat sweets and I managed a decent meal with some pasta (sans meat) and a little bit of bread. When I was at the bar, I really wanted to order food but I also knew I wouldn't be happy with the choices. I'm trying to be picky about what I type of food I use my money on. That's been helpful for me. What's helpful for you? 

Until next time, keep smiling!