Time Goes On

May has been a crazy month. Actually, let me back-track. This has been a crazy year. I started working toward my Master's in Strategic Communications in July. I've been struggling with a lot of personal things such as motivation to work out, weight, trying to focus on school, losing my social life, and trying to truly understand being in love. It's been crazy to say the least. A lot has changed and it's difficult for me to express those changes in a short blog post. Let me just stay more recent…

On May 12th, I was let go from my job. It's amazing how time has been flying by. The first week I ran some errands I had been putting off and frantically searched job sites. I had two interviews the week I was let go so I was sitting on the edge of my seat. Needless to say I received good news - I have a job again! It has always been my dream to work at Balboa Park and now I do. I am extremely excited for the next adventure in my life. 

It's the end of May and I am one month away from being done with school. I will have my Master's degree. I wish I felt more accomplished but I don't. I even considered going back to school to get a Professional Certificate in Marketing but I can't justify the eight grand that would be. I've been debating on whether or not I should walk at my graduation. Some people from my program are walking and asked me if I am doing the same. I haven't even applied for my graduation yet… or do I still do that in Grad school? I don't know. 

Where does the time go? This year is moving too quickly. I remember it being a miserable hot summer like it was just yesterday. The miserable, hot summer is back. 

On Accepting Change

Lately I've been having a really difficult time looking at myself in the mirror. Everyone else is noticing all of these changes in my body and here I am, staring at myself and I see nothing. It's so draining to not feel at peace with your body. Every day is a struggle for me to follow the rules I have put in place for myself. Eat this, not that. Run, now walk. Pick up a heavier set of weights. I feel exhausted. I feel like people are disappointed in my lack of enthusiasm. It's difficult for me to truly articulate the frustration I've been feeling lately. I can't discredit the amount of work I've put into helping myself become healthier. I can't argue the number slowly changing on the scale. However, I've noticed that while for the most part I'm in a great mood, the other part of me is one hard swallow away from crying my eyes out. I'm tired, I'm angry, I'm frustrated. I know nothing comes easy, I know that I need suck it up and be happy with my progress. Somedays though, I want to be upset that I'm not noticing a change in the way my body looks. Somedays, I want to sit in my bed and not work out. It's been a long, difficult road up until this point and most days I do a great job of putting on my gym clothes and hitting the pavement. I want to learn to not expect change over night. I need to be more patient. I need to accept that I am changing, maybe not on the outside but on the inside. I need to embrace my schedule and menu and know that this is one step closer to being in control of my own life. I will continue to eat this, not that; run, now walk; and pick up a heavier set of weights. I will continue to do so because I know my body can.

But for now, can I just sit here and have a good cry?

 Sometimes we all have lows, it's how we handle the lows that matters. What do you do when you feel burnt out?