And I'm back!

I've been a very bad blogger lately. I don't really have a good explanation other than, I've been busy. The problem with me is that I let life and people get in the way of my routine. For a while I was talking to an exboyfriend who took up a lot of my free time. I thought we were on a good path and so I allowed him to take up some of my time, however, recently he disappeared. This isn't me trying to call him out on my blog but I need to remind myself that I always need to put my needs before others. 

Just tonight I read this quote in "Practical Paleo": 

"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again while expecting different results each time." 

It really hit home for me because I've gone through this cycle with this exboyfriend before. I've set my needs aside before and I was always walked over or forgotten. This isn't to say he's a bad person, but the situation definitely wasn't good for my mental health. 

During the past month, a lot has changed. I joined Crossfit Chula Vista and took the "on-ramp" course which is basically an intro to Crossfit. I enjoyed every minute of it except for when I couldn't breath. I also changed my life-style in the sense that I no longer a vegetarian. My first class for Crossfit was basically an attack on my diet situation. Not a bad attack but an attack none-the-less. I decided to challenge myself. I never stopped eating meat to make a political statement, I stopped because I needed a life-style change. Three years later and I still felt like something was missing so I decided to use the information I learned and begin my "paleo" journey. Has it been easy? Well, yes and no. The first week I was a little nauseous from the meat but eventually my body stabilized and I feel great. I sleep better at night, I have more energy during my workouts, and I'm slowly learning to control my eating habits. No processed foods, no grains, no legumes, no sugar - What do I eat?! Everything else! 

Here are some pictures from September.... 

Feeling pretty at work

Learning to embrace my body for what it is

Destroying my legs with box jumps - seriously my nightmare. Everyone said, "Jump higher!" and I said that my body just wasn't ready to do that. I was right but I'll get better. 

Working hard or hardly working? Ehh... 

It's easy being paleo! I'm really excited about this haul. 

To end this post, I'd like to share that I reached an amazing milestone....

You read that right - 199.0!

Right now, my weight is currently fluctuating but I was excited to see me break the 200's. I just want to say good-bye to them once and for all! 

This has been a long, difficult month for me but I'm hoping October and the rest of the year get easier. I also hope to continue sharing my journey with everyone. Anyone out there?

I'll be here!

I'm Learning to Change Perspectives

This isn't a blog about love or finding love. It's about finding myself. So please excuse this self-indulgent but necessary post. 

In the search for "myself," I'm realizing that love plays a major role in how someone is shaped. Love tends to dictate the definition of self. Whether it's the love you feel for someone else or for yourself, the love you have in your life tends to become intertwined into the inner workings of your mind and view of the world. On this journey to health, I've encountered roadblocks. Mostly of my own doing due to the fact that I loved until the bitter end. I loved everyone in my life with everything I had. It was a blessing and a curse but nothing I would have traded-in for a a better sense of self. You see, love has shaped me into the person I am. My parents loved me as best as they could. They gave me what they thought I needed - comfort in ways they could not comfort me. Convenience for the sake of making everyone's lives easier.  They taught me (wrongly I may add) about food. They also taught me wrongly about love. Love requires two people to occupy the same space without suffocating one another. It requires patience and understanding which my parents lacked in their own romance. I was unable to occupy a space with someone without being overbearing or overly distant. I could not find balance in love. I accepted lost souls into my life because I, too, was lost. I accepted people who need my hand but I always forgot to ask for theirs. They took my shoulder only when they needed it and I was always left with my pillow. Men tend to take a lot from me and in this journey, I am learning to give them what I can without being left with nothing. 

I love with every fiber of my soul, from my toes to the very tip of my head, my body spills love. It has always overflowed with love for others but never for myself. In the process of giving without keeping track, I left nothing for myself. At one point, I had nothing left to give and there I was, staring at a scale that wouldn't change. I saw myself in the mirror and I couldn't love what I saw. I graciously borrowed the temporary love of a stranger touching my lips with theirs or my stomach with their hands. In that moment, I felt accepted by someone and that someone didn't have to be myself. Someone else, a man, approved and that was the love I accepted. 

Now, I'm learning to keep some love for myself. I'm learning to love the way my body is changing (slowly but surely). I'm learning to love the way I committed myself to the gym instead of a guy. I love that I'm learning to accept myself for all that I am and maybe all I will never be. I am learning to love myself because I am learning to change my perspective. It's a very slow movement toward the concept of loving myself before I can love anyone else. I am okay knowing that some men in this world still have pieces of me that I cannot have back. But, I say, they can keep those old pieces... the new Kristen is better. She's stronger, she's more mindful, and most importantly, she puts herself first. Her mind, body, and soul is her first priority. 

And with that, it's okay to be selfish and it's okay to keep my love to myself. 

Until next time, keep changing your perspective. It can make you smile more. 

10 Strategies for Promoting Healthy Permanent Weight Loss

3. Learn how to control emotional eating

I want to address emotional eating because it's a huge part of my weight loss journey. Recently, my boyfriend and I called it quits. It's been a rough couple of weeks and that was the reason for my hiatus. I needed some time to put together my thoughts and to figure out if I should openly discuss the break-up on my blog. After much thinking, I came to the realization that my relationships with people are an important part of my weight loss. My emotions take over my conscience and my food intake changes. I've noticed that any time I had an argument or I felt rejected, I would turn to food and it didn't matter what or how much I ate. I was lost in the emotions and I felt better... temporarily. I drank a little more and I ate some things that I wouldn't eat on a typical day. 

With my break-up this week I had to find other outlets for my anger and hurt. I decided to not turn to food for the first time and I don't feel as though I'm missing anything. I feel comforted by the fact that I didn't let food take over. Although this is just the first couple of days, I am proud of myself. Unfortunately, my body gave into the stress and finally broke down and now I'm sick. This has been the only downfall this week (so far). One of the things that I helped me get through this emotional time is music. Especially this song by Katy Perry.

It was important for me to find comfort in something other than food. This song truly expresses how I feel and I connected with it. I found power in a song that talks about moving forward and living for yourself. That's how I have to control emotional eating. I need to remember that although all these bad things are happening around me, it's still my responsibility to take care of myself... no matter what. I have to remember, every single day, that I, Kristen, am strong. 

How are you controlling your emotional eating?

Until next time, stay strong and keep smiling.

Mini Hiatus

I hope everyone had a wonderful 4th of July full of laughter and special people. Unfortunately, my holiday was interrupted by some personal problems that have been lingering since last Saturday. Please excuse my mini hiatus as I recompose myself. 


Again, thank you everyone for reading, commenting, and supporting. It continues to motivate me every single day. 


Kristen