Lately I've been having a really difficult time looking at myself in the mirror. Everyone else is noticing all of these changes in my body and here I am, staring at myself and I see nothing. It's so draining to not feel at peace with your body. Every day is a struggle for me to follow the rules I have put in place for myself. Eat this, not that. Run, now walk. Pick up a heavier set of weights. I feel exhausted. I feel like people are disappointed in my lack of enthusiasm. It's difficult for me to truly articulate the frustration I've been feeling lately. I can't discredit the amount of work I've put into helping myself become healthier. I can't argue the number slowly changing on the scale. However, I've noticed that while for the most part I'm in a great mood, the other part of me is one hard swallow away from crying my eyes out. I'm tired, I'm angry, I'm frustrated. I know nothing comes easy, I know that I need suck it up and be happy with my progress. Somedays though, I want to be upset that I'm not noticing a change in the way my body looks. Somedays, I want to sit in my bed and not work out. It's been a long, difficult road up until this point and most days I do a great job of putting on my gym clothes and hitting the pavement. I want to learn to not expect change over night. I need to be more patient. I need to accept that I am changing, maybe not on the outside but on the inside. I need to embrace my schedule and menu and know that this is one step closer to being in control of my own life. I will continue to eat this, not that; run, now walk; and pick up a heavier set of weights. I will continue to do so because I know my body can.
But for now, can I just sit here and have a good cry?
