Lately I've been having a really difficult time looking at myself in the mirror. Everyone else is noticing all of these changes in my body and here I am, staring at myself and I see nothing. It's so draining to not feel at peace with your body. Every day is a struggle for me to follow the rules I have put in place for myself. Eat this, not that. Run, now walk. Pick up a heavier set of weights. I feel exhausted. I feel like people are disappointed in my lack of enthusiasm. It's difficult for me to truly articulate the frustration I've been feeling lately. I can't discredit the amount of work I've put into helping myself become healthier. I can't argue the number slowly changing on the scale. However, I've noticed that while for the most part I'm in a great mood, the other part of me is one hard swallow away from crying my eyes out. I'm tired, I'm angry, I'm frustrated. I know nothing comes easy, I know that I need suck it up and be happy with my progress. Somedays though, I want to be upset that I'm not noticing a change in the way my body looks. Somedays, I want to sit in my bed and not work out. It's been a long, difficult road up until this point and most days I do a great job of putting on my gym clothes and hitting the pavement. I want to learn to not expect change over night. I need to be more patient. I need to accept that I am changing, maybe not on the outside but on the inside. I need to embrace my schedule and menu and know that this is one step closer to being in control of my own life. I will continue to eat this, not that; run, now walk; and pick up a heavier set of weights. I will continue to do so because I know my body can.
But for now, can I just sit here and have a good cry?
Congrat's on what you've achieved and for your determination to keep going.
ReplyDeleteYour cry made me sad but that is where I am at at this moment so your not alone.
Thank you Krystal. It's so important to know other's are sharing in my triumphs and pain. It makes me feel more human.
DeleteKristen
I have to say I can totally totally relate to everything you are saying I am exactly the same. I want it to happen now and hate it that it can't. I am working at losing weight and working at changing my habbits and you just think why can't it be as easy to lose as it is to gain it. The harder you work at it the less pleased you are with your body as you relaise how much further you have to go and how hard it will be! You are not alone and all the thoughts you have running through your head I think we have all had before. But now you have started to lose it is impossible to go back to how you were as you are so concious of everything so at the moment you feel you are in limbo. Half fat half thin(er)! That is how i feel at least but please rememebr you are never alone in your thoughts! Keep going, it's hard an sometimes I have to shake myself to keep going but we can do it and we will get there!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much! Your words were so awesome to read and made me feel really supported. I like knowing that my followers understand my journey and can relate to it.
DeleteI always think back to how easy it was to gain the weight and how difficult it is to lose it. It's going to be a loooong hard journey but we can do it!
Kristen